


Hunger

by pleasereadmeok



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-06 21:06:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4236627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasereadmeok/pseuds/pleasereadmeok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia rushed out of Finn’s apartment and the tears came.  She was so hurt and humiliated as she ran from his door.  How could he deny what just happened? “Bastard!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunger

**Author's Note:**

> This just follows on from the last episode - after Finn says "Bye" and leaves. Any right thinking woman would be running after him and tackling him to the ground to stop him going. Or is it just me that would do that?

“Stupid…stupid!”

Canning was only there for 10 minutes but Alicia thought he would never leave. She barely heard anything he said because she was still preoccupied with Finn’s leaving.

When Alicia was alone at last she thought about what Finn had said. “There’s … _something_ between us.” He was right - there was ‘something’ but now they would never have the opportunity to explore what that ‘something’ was. There was friendship but also an attraction, chemistry, _something_. “Stupid. Why didn’t I say something to make him stay? Anything.” Alicia had been elated because of the success of their first case together but now, after Finn left, she was empty. She had a terrible feeling that she would never see him again. It felt final.

On Monday morning Alicia went to Finn’s office to persuade him to stay as her partner. She would just have to be grown up about the situation and make sure that nothing happened between them. Not that it was likely to happen now, if he was with his wife again, it was out of the question. 

When Alicia stepped into Finn’s office, everything had gone. Just furniture remained. All of his books, photographs, papers, computer – all gone. She didn’t understand and didn’t want to contemplate the meaning of his empty office. She had thought Finn was just leaving the partnership – leaving her - maybe he was leaving more than that? Alicia felt sick. 

A torn scrap of paper was under the desk with writing on it she recognised. Finn’s writing. Staring at it Alicia felt it was the saddest memento – the only thing left of their … their what? Friendship? Mutual attraction? Non-starter relationship? She picked up the piece of paper like it was a treasure she had found and put it in her pocket.

 

Alicia summoned up every last bit of courage she had to ring the doorbell of Finn’s apartment. She was expecting the worst – that he had moved out of there too. 

The Finn that answered was not a man Alicia recognised. His handsome face had 2 or 3 days of beard and he was wearing torn jeans and an old grey sweatshirt. Before he could speak she blurted out, “Someone in your office said you were leaving Chicago. Were you even going to say goodbye to me?!” She tried to hide her distress but it was impossible.  
“I…. maybe…” He bit his lip and wouldn't look her in the eye, “… No. I couldn’t.”  
“OK then. Well at least that’s honest. I’ll go.” Alicia turned away and felt the pin picks of tears starting to form.  
“Alicia!” Finn followed her out and caught hold of her arm. He noticed her swollen eyes. “I’m sorry.”  
“I need to go!”  
“Alicia don’t go – come in. Have a drink. Come inside – I haven’t packed the bottles yet.”

The apartment was full of boxes, labelled, ‘Study’, ‘Kitchen’, ‘Books,’ ‘Stuff’. Finn’s life in boxes. Alicia put her hand over her mouth and tried not to cry as his back was turned to pour a drink.  
“Here – drink this.” The watery eyes were obvious to him. “I’m so sorry. I was being a coward. I should have called you at least. Come on – let’s sit.” He cleared a space on the sofa. He smiled to himself remembering another time and another sofa. Alicia remembered it too.

“I decided things might be easier if I went back to New York. I’m moving back in with my wife and son.”  
“I see.” Alicia nodded. _That’s it then._ “When do you go?”  
“Tomorrow.”  
Alicia’s hand went up to her mouth again and she got up to leave. “Well good luck then.” She choked out.  
“Alicia, come here. Let me give you a hug - to say goodbye to a friend.” He smiled weakly at her.

Finn’s sweatshirt was soft under her fingers as Alicia hugged him. As he pulled away, she turned her face up to his and kissed him lightly on the lips. His hand stroked her cheek and he kissed her back. But this was not a goodbye kiss between friends. This was a tender kiss between lovers. As they kissed each other there was no mistake – this was a proper kiss. Finn's stubble burned Alicia’s face but she didn’t care. They were both getting carried away in the moment and the wonderful feeling of touching each other at last. Alicia’s fingers curled into his hair and her other hand found the flesh of his back under his sweatshirt. Finn’s hand followed suit – moving up under her shirt to her skin, his free hand slid down over her butt and pressed her close against him. His hard erection was obvious. Alicia’s hand slipped down to the zipper of his jeans but then he stopped kissing her abruptly and pushed her away. 

“No! I can’t do this.” Finn backed away from Alicia shaking his head. “I should never have let you in. I can’t. This was what I was afraid of.”  
“Finn – we both know that was…”  
He shook his head again and said firmly, “That was a goodbye kiss that just got out of hand. That’s it.”  
“Finn it was more than that and you know it.”  
“No. I’m not going to have secrets from my wife.”  
Alicia was shocked and angry at the change in him. “OK – well you tell her it was just a goodbye kiss – tell her I started it, that it was all my fault, but we both know that’s a lie!”  
“You have to leave now.”  
“That’s IT! You’re throwing me out!”  
“I need you to go. Please.” He pleaded with her.

Alicia rushed out of Finn’s apartment and the tears came. She was so hurt and humiliated as she ran from his door. How could he deny what just happened? “Bastard!” 

Finn slumped back on the sofa feeling like he’d slapped Alicia’s face. He had made it seem like she was to blame and wholly mistaken about what had happened. It was such a shitty thing to have done to her. He wanted to call her – but wouldn’t that make things worse? Maybe this way was cleaner? This way all she would remember of him was his appalling behaviour. No. He couldn’t leave it like that. Finn reached for his phone.

“Alicia come back please. I’m so sorry. I need to explain.”  
“What’s the point?”  
“Please. I need you to know that this is about my son. I have to do this for my son.”  
The revelation hit Alicia like a bullet and she understood immediately. Finn was getting back together with his wife for the sake of his son. Of course, he would do anything for his son – even compromise his own happiness.

 

Finn’s forehead dropped to rest on Alicia’s. “That was such a horrible thing to do to you.”  
“It was - but I get it. I understand.”  
“I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m such a coward.”  
“Finn – I kissed you. It was a goodbye kiss that I tried to make into something more.” She cared enough about him to let him off the hook. “I really do understand. You need to make it work with your wife – for your son’s sake.” He nodded. “I really hope it works out for you. But if it doesn’t – you know where I am.”  
“I don’t deserve your friendship.”  
“You deserve much more than just my friendship, but I guess it’s not meant to be.”  
“God this is such a mess. All I want to do is take you to bed and make you happy. I want to be with you so much but if we…” Alicia wanted the same, more than anything, but she knew that would make parting even harder.  
“I know. Finn - I mean it, we’ve been through a lot together, I will always be your friend if you need me.”  
“Thank you.”

 

Later, when Alicia was in bed trying to sleep, she imagined what might have happened if Finn had not stopped kissing her. She remembered the burn of his stubble – waking her up to how she felt about him at last. Too late. If only it had been any other woman except his wife – she would have done anything to take him back. But Alicia could never ‘win’ at the cost of Finn's son – she wouldn’t want to do that. And yet she thought about his hands on her skin – his soft, hungry lips as they kissed. She imagined his hands unhooking her bra and stroking her breasts, his fingers and tongue, having him inside her – she was driving herself mad with the thought of what could have happened. If only she had been ‘free’. If only she had ‘pushed’ it earlier. _It’s such a fucking waste!_ She couldn’t sleep – every thought was of Finn. Alicia came to a decision and got dressed.

Finn was lying on his sofa, wide-awake, going over and over what might have been when his doorbell rang.

“Alicia!”  
“I’m sorry, so sorry. This is so selfish of me. I know it will make things harder for both of us but if I’m never going to see you again… Just once then I promise I’ll let you go.”  
Finn took her hand and pulled her inside his apartment.

They didn’t get as far as his bedroom the first time. The table in Finn’s hallway was exactly the right height. He swiped the contents on to the floor, lifted her onto the table, pulled down her underwear and unzipped his jeans in what seemed like one easy move. Alicia wrapped her legs around his back and eased him into her body. It was desperate, frantic and exciting as he pushed in and out of her. Her body arched back as he kissed her face, her throat and ripped her shirt open to kiss her collar-bones and shoulders, buttons flying in every direction. Finn came first and pulled away to get his fingers inside her and his tongue on her clit until she followed, her body gripping onto his fingers until he eased them out. “You taste so good.” 

Finn was so hungry for more he didn’t give Alicia time to recover before he was down on her again taking slow licks deep into her. Her fingers were pulling at his hair urging him on as he sucked her clit and circled with his tongue. “Finn. Oh god.” She came quicker this time groaning his name as he got her there. He pulled off the rest of her clothes before she could protest. Alicia didn’t want to protest – she was loving every second of this. He was sucking at her breasts like he was going to eat them. Biting at her nipples while she grabbed at his cock – getting harder as she stroked up and down the shaft. His mouth found hers with a scent she recognised on his lips, his face covered in her wetness. They kissed again - eating each other until they couldn’t breathe. Her fingers worked quickly and firmly, stroking and slicking over the wet, sensitive tip of his cock until he jerked against her and the warm liquid trickled over her thigh. 

“Bed – let’s get to the bed.” Alicia breathed. Finn pulled her faster than she could move with her panties catching around one of her ankles. They giggled as he dropped down to her feet and ripped them off her. On the bed they wrestled each other for who went on top but in the end he willingly let her win so he could see her astride him – circling her hips to feel him deeper inside and her breasts bouncing with each movement of her body. Alicia slowed down when he was close – making him wait until she was ready. She touched her clit to speed things up but Finn slapped her fingers away to be replaced by his. He pushed his large hand firmly low down on her stomach so he could thrust against her g spot as she moved on top of him. The timing was perfect. The first contraction of her orgasm around his cock was too much and he came at the same time. 

Instead of lying quietly to recover they rolled over - Alicia’s arms were stretched up above her head as Finn bit her neck, bruising her, branding her. She writhed and groaned underneath him, her hard nipples rubbing against his chest and he was ready again, pushing into her until she screamed, “Oh god yes, yes! Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” After they both came again they lay on their backs panting to get their breath back. 

They had got rid of the explosive, pent up, hunger for each other and now they could unwind the tight coils of need they felt for each other. The frantic sex turned into tender love making with soft touches, murmuring whispers and blissful orgasms.

Eventually they lay cuddling and were able to talk.  
“I’m so sorry I’ve made things worse by coming here.”  
“I’m glad you came. I was just lying in the sofa trying to stop myself jumping in the car and coming to you. I don’t regret anything.”  
“But now you have to tell lies and I know you’ll hate that.” Alicia saw the tension return to Finn’s face. “I know you don’t want secrets from your wife but you mustn't tell her. She’d never forgive you.”  
“Forgive me for cheating on her - I know. With Lizzie it’s nice, familiar…” Alicia realised that he was talking about sex with his wife and it felt like a knife in her gut. “…sorry I shouldn’t be telling you this but as familiar and comfortable as it is – I’ve always felt like I was cheating on you – which is ridiculous I know. We’ve never even touched each other really – it could have all been in my head.”  
“It wasn’t just in _your_ head. I feel so stupid that I didn’t do anything about it sooner. I was thinking earlier about sitting next to you on the sofa in your office. What if I hadn’t got scared and left? Or if I’d been free from Peter? We might have been together now.”  
“Don’t. We can’t think about that now. We’re together now, tonight.”  
“But only until you leave tomorrow – or is it today already? Then I’ll have to let you go. Will you stay in touch?”  
Finn bit his lip and Alicia knew that he wouldn’t. “Honestly – no. It would be too painful for both of us.”  
“Maybe I should go now and not prolong the agony?”  
“No, not yet.” And they made love one last time.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_A year later…_

“Finn?”  
“Alicia.” Finn looked shocked to see her. “Hey.” He said tentatively.  
“Oh my god Finn. What are you doing in Chicago?”  
“Um – I moved back a few weeks ago.”  
“Why… how…why didn’t you call me?”  
“Well I heard about the divorce and I didn’t want to, you know, complicate things.”  
“Finn it’s so good to see you. I can’t believe you’re here. Let’s meet up for a drink later and we can talk or … whatever. It would just be so nice to catch up.”

They agreed to meet at eight in one of their regular bars. Alicia was so nervous she could hardly breathe. She was dying to know what had happened with his ex-wife. She was worried that she might be responsible if they had split up again. But Finn had been ‘home’ for weeks and not contacted her. Maybe he hadn’t come back for her.

“So are you back for good?”  
“Yes.”  
Alicia could barely contain her optimism but tried not to seem too needy. “Where are you working?”  
“Private practice. I set up on my own again. I’ve still got some of my old clients and I’m handling some New York client’s interests here in Chicago.”  
“I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other around the court. Finn, have you been deliberately avoiding me?”  
“Honestly – yes. Look the way we left things – I didn’t want to assume that we would just pick up where we had left off. Your divorce looked messy and I didn’t want to cause you trouble.”  
“Finn you could never cause me trouble.” Loud music started up and they could hardly hear each other speak or think straight. Finn shouted something in Alicia’s ear that she didn’t hear. He threw money on the bar to settle up and led her outside.  
“I said let’s go for a walk!”

A park by the lake was still open and well lit so they strolled through the trees. When they were away from other people Alicia placed her small hand in his as they walked and talked.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”  
“It just wasn’t working. It was making us both unhappy and Patrick was starting to notice – it had to stop.”  
"Finn - you didn't tell her did you? Is it my fault - because of what happened between us?"  
"No - I didn't tell her. Lizzie and I didn't need any outside help to fuck it up. But I suppose my heart wasn't in it as much as it should have been."  
“I’m so sorry it didn’t work out for you. Are you and Lizzie OK though? I mean … I’m not sure what I mean.”  
“We’ve worked it out. We both agree it was a mistake. Patrick is the one I worry about – but I’ll still see him regularly – so I guess – yes – we’re OK now.”

They stopped and looked out at the lake, surrounded by tall buildings yet somehow peaceful at night.  
“I missed you so much.” Alicia squeezed Finn’s hand. He lifted her hand and touched it with his lips and then smiled at her.  
“Me too. So maybe we should… actually maybe we should eat something! I didn’t eat all day I was so nervous about seeing you but now I could eat a horse!”  
“Let’s go to that awful diner – for old times sake?”  
He laughed. “Great idea – it looks like it’s going to rain so we can sit there smelling like wet dogs like last time!”  
“And maybe the power will cut out and … god I missed you.”

Heads turned when they entered the diner. All eyes were on them. The divorce from Peter was ‘messy’ as Finn said and very public, Alicia felt like everyone knew her business and they probably did. There was a click from a phone camera as they sat down. Finn bit his lip. “This was what I was afraid of, an hour in your company and already I’m causing you trouble.”  
“Ignore them. I’ve got used to it.”

They ordered and settled into the easy, jokey conversation like they had never been apart. “Wow this is great pie – try some.” Forks were exchanged and they were eating off each other’s plates and giggling while one by one their audience lost interest. But as new people arrived and sat down waiting to be served they took up staring where the others had left off.  
“Jeez how do you stand it? I guess because you are divorcing a future President they feel they have the right. They are just outright staring at you.”  
“Maybe we should really give them something to stare at – I should just kiss you.” Alicia joked. Finn peered at her over his glasses as he checked the menu for something else to feed his hunger – it turned out that Alicia could be just the thing.  
“Maybe you should. Come here.” Alicia moved to shimmy into the booth seat next to him. The staring faces were forgotten as they concentrated on each other’s lips, the taste of pie, bourbon and each other’s tongues. Alicia managed to say between breaths, “I let you go before – I don’t want to make the same mistake again.” They resumed kissing as Finn’s hand, that had been resting on her knee, wandered further up stroking inside her thigh.

“Finn.”  
“Mmm.” He came back down to earth and realised where he was.  
“I’m not hungry any more.”  
“Me neither.”

 

The first thing Alicia saw when she woke in the morning were Finn's smiling eyes looking back at her. He was right - there was 'something' between them, something that had endured a year of separation. Now they would have time to find out exactly what that 'something' was. 


End file.
